Monday, December 20, 2010

Can we do it?

In the response to my last post everyone said that it is best if one does what one likes, but is that really ever possible in life? I dont think so. Its not that we always want to do the right things, we may desire so many things, which may not be proper to do and if we do that may be we would be ruining all our relationships and then could we be happy after that.? Life cant be lived for a few moments of happiness.its along term thing.
It all reminded me that once my son gave me a card with the matter.......what can I give you.may be  Ican wish you to have. the freedom to do what you want , freedom to do as you want..I loved that card so much that I have treasured it for last 6 years. Because yes that freedom is the greatest thing, but even he cant give me that because if ever I do something which he or his wife dont like he is wont to ask me..mom how can you do it:)
I know we cant live life with complete abandon as we are social animals, but sometimes I feel that in a year .a month must be given to everyone to live freely without any restrictions( to me restrictions never mean doing anything immoral or illegal.) that is.. sleeeping, whenever you want without worrying about making breakfast lunch and dinner, eating whatever you fancy without worrying about calories and living with the people you want to......
what do you think?

24 comments:

Amrita said...

Renu,I feel its a balance that matters.Yes sometimes I too wish for the carefree days of spinsterhood, but then I feel, the compannionship I get from marriage and the belongingness that I get, deserves the effort I make to keep the house in order,to cook and clean for K. I feel its about letting go some and keeping some. I feel my passion for books remains which I will never ever give up and that is just enough to keep me mentally stimulated. And waise bhi, I have seen there are zillions of sacrifices to be made, parents dont go out cos kids education will suffer, grandparents dont go to temples cos grandkids have to come from school. But in all this I feel if we keep looking at the bigger picture which is satisfying us more,i think all ends well. But if there is nothing at all, and its just pure struggle with everyone else stomping over us, then I think,one should let go. There is no point in being sacrificial allllllllll the time. I am not sure if i came across as too blunt :)

Renu said...

Amrita: as usual you are so mature in your response...you are very much right.we do something and we get something, but if ever we feel cramped we need some fresh air...
Human being cant ever be free of everything, becaus then we cant have a family.

Gouri Guha said...

Freedom is something I would love to have. But total freedom in doing what best suits an individual will of course bring trouble. Expecting and making this come true is 'A Dream in Itself'...that's how I feel.
Your last sentence is so close to my thoughts. Thoughtful piece Renu.

Renu said...

Gauri Guha:yes.everybody would love the freedom, but freedom at what cost?.are we ready to pay that?

AS said...

The first point is why the feeling that we are not doing what we want to .. because we compromise in being in a relationship. But thats an essential part, compromise, adjustment in any relationship, else it would not last. Its common to have the feeling you are having, the only way to get out is spare some time for yourself, to do somethings which you would like to do, of course without harming the relationship you are in. Its difficult to have the full freedom and do as one wishes .. thats just a kaash ....

A said...

Renu,

I can see your point. Sometimes I feel I need freedom. Freedom from everything. I want to be free of all responsibilities, don't want to do any work...just want to do what I like...May be nothing.

I know it is not possible for me to achieve that.

So I steal a few moments of freedom....but only a few but still very restrictive. I still cannot do what I would like.

chitra said...

I too feel freedom means it must not be misused.
I too like my frredom to sleep, eat ...indulging once in a while is ok. But not always. We have to be careful.

radha said...

It would be a selfish person who lives as if nothing in the world matters. It also does not mean we give up some things that mean a lot to us. It is not easy to strike a balance. Either we do, or accept that we can't. Otherwise some frustration will set in.
Yes, but there are times all of us crave for a carefree life. But if that was given to us, how many days would we really enjoy it?

dr.antony said...

All rules are situational.What is right in one country is worn in another.What is right in one religion is wrong in another.
Proper habits,if reached,shouldn't be compromised.That is wrong.Setting apart a month for freedom is not such a wonderful idea.This means you believe what you do now is not the thing you really want to do.
Reaching a balance is the essence of good living.Don't be fanatic about rules.Do the right thing.And I don't think we need someone else to tell us what is the right thing.

Bikramjit said...

I can understand we can never have true freedom...
because in our society and culture we are too much invovled in what other will say , or what they are doing, or what i am doing ,why this why that blah blah...

that why the westerners have there phylosophy right , give and take they have .. adn they retire at a age and then do what they want to when they want to ...


Bikram's

Madhu said...

Gouri pretty much summarized what I wanted to say Renu. Anyway, according to me freedom is pretty overrated concept.

Renu said...

AS: you have analysed it so well...yeh kaash:) hi to ha..sometimes I feel that after a certain age one must be free of everything, thats what our scriptures wanted us to do..take sanyaas.

A: you have summed up my feelings..its just like that, sometimes I just want to be me without any responsibities and social restrictions.

chitra: we have to be always very careful with the freedom.

Radha; Thats what my thoughts are that suppose I get that freedom, will I enjoy it?..but to answer that question, its imperative that first I get it:)
yes it would be selfish to ask complete freedom, but it wouldnt be if we get it for a short period, may be a month in a year?

Madhu: In what way it is over rated..in getting it or not getting it?

rama said...

Hi, Renu,
I never felt that I needed to be free, for I am always free to do what I want. Maybe when I was young, I had freedom with certain conditions, which is normal living with parents. But after marriage, I feel totally free to do what I want. I have the space I need and I give the space my husband needs. We have also let our children have their freedom, and they have never misused them.
But I know many people who mould themselves according to the situation so that there is peace in the house.
My mother always felt dominated by my father. My sister too is very adjusting. I don't know how I might have been if I were in their situation.
It is fine, just because by God's grace things have fallen in their right place for me.
But I truly understand people who feel the need to escape, to break free, and I have some good friends who have gone and taken the extreme step too, and are finally happy and free.
Good blog makes you to think deeply.

rama said...

Hi Renu,
Nice interesting blog. I know many friends who were getting really stifled in their situation, some of them just bore it, some of them felt so disgusted that they finally took the extreme step and found freedom and happiness.
It is also important that one be be in a position, where one is not always dependent on someone else, only then one can have the guts to do the things they want and break free.
Many people keep adjusting because they have no other go, some although can lead life independently still continue to bear everything because of society.
So I think it depends on the individual, how they work out things for themselves and also with others.
In life we can't eat the cake and keep it too.
However one must make it a point to have some quality time for one self.

Haddock said...

As per my view, one should be able to do what one wants to do.

Insignia said...

I read the previous post and this. So commenting for both here.

Its not impossible at all to do all that we desire. But we dont. Why? 2 things.

1. Fear. Fear of failure.

2. Compromise and adjustment. We cant just throw away our relationships and go on. Even if we, would we be happy? I dont think so. So we adjust and compromise.

Insignia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Renu said...

Dr. Antony: I have always done the right thing, but sometimes it makes you feel stiffled too.

Bikramjit:Bikram, I dont think that even west has got it completely right, its so tru what rama has said we cant have our cake and eat it too..we get one thing normal either freedom or people. We need to have that balance where we can get both.

Rama: you may be few of the lucky ones, and you have summed up very well.we cant have our cake and eat it too...with this post and comments and I got a lot of answers I was looking for.

Haddock: I also think so, but in real life it rarely happens.

Insignia: your second point clears everything.we cant leave the people and be happy with the fredom.

Tara said...

I read both the posts after a long break. Freedom is not practical esp in our society. I cannot at any point d whatever I feel like without thinking about my family! thats the tie but I enjoy it and trying to experience the freedom within. But being suppressed is not the point !!

manjujoglekar said...

Very thoughtful post, Renu.

I like our Indian concept of swa-tantrata more than the idea of total freedom.

Swa-tantrata doesn't mean living without rules, but means living according to our own rules that we ourselves have decided upon after due thought.

And a short vacation from daily duties? This is something everyone needs from time to time! :)

sm said...

yes everyone should get the freedom

Vetrimagal said...

Hi,
These questions were always lurking in my mind most of my life. Now I am 60 plus. I have now accepted that some times, and many times, we are forced into situations from which we want to be free, but are unable to do so. I take consolation from the fact/illusion that God wants me to be in this place and learn from it.

Life is much easier now. :-)

I like your blog. Thanks.

Renu said...

Tara: thats the main point.the line between suppression doing it with restraint is very fine, and its difficult to draw that balance.

Manju:.That way I find our Indian sensibilities much better in almost everything:)

sm: yeah.should, but how many get it?

Vetrimagal..pleased to see you after a long time...I also accepyt everything as a gift of god, be it freedom or bindings, but sometimes feel like questioning it:)

Jon said...

what's immoral/illegal to you may not be so for another...so even if we set apart a day w/o restrictions-
we may have to impose a few restrictions on the freedom