Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Emotional connect

A was brought up with lots of love and care.And her parents instilled discipline and good values too and made her understand the difference between right and wrong. They themselves worked really hard to give good upbringing to their children.And she was an intelligent and hardworking child..so all that combined brought her lot of praise , that became her motivation also to do better in life.And by god's grace she got a good education and settled well in life..so far.everything as normally happens.
Now she can remember only what her parents didnt do for her,What more they could do or should have done, she has forgotten all that they did,and all the sacrifices they made, she gives no credit to her parents for anything in her life, she is today what she is because of herself only. she always tries to find fault in her parents today and yesterday.She does everything for her parents what a good child should do, but that EMOTIONAL CONNECT is not there, and her parents get not much satisfaction.....and happiness with her being....
Difference in perception makes all the difference in life.

B was as brought up with lots of love and care and pampering too . her parents never denied her any desire, be it right or wrong..fulfilled her every demand without ever asking her to do anything or telling her the boundaries. She grew up to be a total lazy, pampered spoiled brat, who couldnt think beyond herself.Life was only meant for enjoyment.A grown up girl like that can never bring happiness to others,but here EMOTIONAL CONNECT  with parents is too much, she thinks highly of her parents and respects them a lot but makes them feel humiliated many times due to her arrogant,rude and self centred behaviour to others.....
Righteousness is also important in life.

C was brought up with love and care but discipline too in a normal middle class family, where parents are never perfect but try to do their best for their children.Her parents instilled discipline values everything to the core, and sometime were too strict in their zeal to follow her academics.But then she grew up to be a good human being and good in academics too and there is that EMOTIONAL CONNECT too with her parents, because she always remembers only good things from the past,never the shortcomings of her parents, is always thankful to her parents for giving her good values etc. she values her family and others too and brings lot of pleasure and satisfaction to her parents.

D was brought up with total freedom,as her parents were busy in their social life and it suited them to T. The child ate what he wanted and when he wanted,and same for studies.though parents helped her there, but there were no rules or discipline there....but then she grew up to be totally irreverent person, who doesnt listen to anybody, eats junk food, has spoiled her health, and she does what she wants.

I can give you many different type of examples and I have written in feminine gender, but it applies to all..and the inference I could make is.....
One must not judge parents..leave at least one relationship alone.accept it as it is unless one has abusing parent s or anything in extreme.Parents blessings are very important for your happy life.They are not going to live forever and then everyone misses them.If you cant make them happy, then atleast dont hurt them....thru your words or deeds.Let them be.

Loving doesnt mean giving all the time.....this only makes the children suffer in their adult life, their self esteem goes down when they dont get any appreciation or respect from others..tell your children to give also and some discipline and values in life are always important.I agree that some children come out very well if left to themselves, but there is no harm in taking precautions and being a little careful....

Its very important to look after your child's food habits, as childhood is very important for long term health.It is the time they grow and make their body.

I know that in spite of doing everything sometimes nothing comes out well, whereas sometimes giving total freedom also augurs well, but they are all aberrations, otherwise good efforts always  bring good results.and freedom should be given only at the proper age when they can take the responsibilities that come with freedom...I always remember a story where ....
A child steals little little things from his childhood and mother never says anything ,just ignores and he grows up to be a con man and then when he is caught in a big crime, she slaps him hard, the man says that  instead of now, if you had slapped me in my childhood only, I would havent become a thief......
That's what I see today, many grownups are slapped by destiny today whereas they should have been slapped in their childhood  by parents.






12 comments:

Bikramjit said...

os true we need to look after the kids.

This is what is wrong out here kids are not said anything and they grow up to be the way they are


Bikram's

Shrutzz said...

Personally I "thank" U for this post. leave aside am going t be a parent soon, but I still am a DAUGHTER AND DAUGHTER-IN-LAW. There are times in recent times, I get very annoyed with my parents and a lot with In-Laws. This leaves me with no peace, since I LIVE WITH THEM and no intention of just goingaway. But tis post has givn me some calm and will try to accept things in positive way, no matter however they are. HUGS

Renu said...

Bikram: kids should nevr be taken lightly, they are a serious profession:)

Shrutzz:.hey dont get stressed out, be it your inlaws or parents, whatevr they say, this time they must be worried about you only, so have patience, be calm, just dont worry about anything except what is coming your way..good news:)

Rachna said...

I agree that discipline is really required and by pandering to all our children's wishes, we just end up spoiling them. It is also important to check their nutrition. It is true that habits formed in childhood are almost impossible to break in adulthood. So, as parents, this is our chance to instill the best values and for the sake of our children, discipline them too.

Harman said...

its very true..
I agree..this one relation should be left..being unbiased ...we need blessings from them..our parets
or in-laws.. both are parents and we need some good blessings as we are moms too..
Parents try to incalculable good values ..end up being strict ..sometimes kids think this as insane and keep looking for opportunity to show them down..
I would request parents never to-abuse child publically or in front of his friends..
secondly... respect demands respect.. try to be little more friendly to have an emotional connect..
and last ..never tell a lie to your kid
very well written..post!.

deeps said...

I think a great deal can be said about upbringing of children… the first 10 years of their life being the most important and foundation of their rest of the life, what goes in during those years will reflect in their life style and being …. I don’t think the close nit family alone is responsible for everything… the surrounding, school, friends, given era, culture etc can matter too… we cant tailor make their habits ha?
Well, this is a well thought out write up, gives a lot of fodder for thought :P

Renu said...

Rachna: once I r4ad a very good article in RD and they said that today's parents are spoiling children's future by making them indisciplined and too protected.

Harman:some parents also cross the boundaries, but thats the matter for a different post:)..but they are exception, not a rule.
You have noted important points, yes children feel very bad if scolded in front of outsiders.

deeps: bringing up children shouldnt be taken as fun only, children are not there for our enjoyment, fulfilment.

L KRUPAA said...

So aptly written. We are today because of them - be it successful famous whatever. Nobody has a better influence on us than them. I believe we need to stand upto them at all times whatever the situation. Cant imagine a life without their guidance

L KRUPAA said...

So aptly written. We are today because of them - be it successful famous whatever. Nobody has a better influence on us than them. I believe we need to stand upto them at all times whatever the situation. Cant imagine a life without their guidance

sm said...

most difficult task is the balance to achieve balance between when to pamper and when not to pamper.
nice post.

Renu said...

LKrupa:.Looks like you have your head rightly placed on your shoulders:)

sm: it is but one can do..pamper all the time, but teach them boundaries and values and dont compromise on them

sm said...

thanks.
yes i agree with you.