Today Shraadh are starting and someone was discussing it that why we do so much for our inlaws who may not have done even anything for us, but why are the girls not allowed to do any after death tradition for their own parents.who must have done so much for them. My take on that is...
Every system has certain rules and if they are followed society works well as that is true for everything in life.Earlier parents never taught their daughters to disregard their in laws and look after their own parents.Rather they were happier if their daughters got established themselves in their sasuraal and took their responsibilities seriously.And after marriage they were supposed to belong to their inlaws and make their family there only..that was their own house, not parents home.
And for anything in life its not instant or accurate give and take, we take from some and we give to some and the balance comes, It cant be to the same person or same thing..our parents loves us unconditionally and we love our children in the same way and cycle goes on. We look after our inlaws, our Sisterinlaws look after our parents....and those who didnt have sons..well its their destiny, its god who decides that not we..there are some who dont have any children, they also live happily.
Showing love doesnt mean we compare the relations, we can never make our parent proud of us by doing so.But we can certainly make them respected by behaving well, working hard and be a good well mannered human being.I see so many girls behaving so abominably with their inlaws and pining for their own parents, they dont know that by doing so they are humiliating their own parents, as society doubts their sanskaars and puts a question mark on their values which are given to them by their parents.
Earlier the society was very decisive..after marriage, daughters were neither given any right,nor asked to do any is the transition ..period..where nothing is definite. Every system has certain flaws and it was earlier too, but instead of removing them everybody wanted to discard the system and bring a new one without realising that flaws are intrinsic part of most of the systems and it is individual who are responsible for them,not the system So changing the system doesnt change anything except that now victim and perpetrators change..and problems remain the same....


Deeps said…
Now this is one post where your views dont match with mine.

You said "Earlier parents never taught their daughters to disregard their in laws and look after their own parents." Today's parents are not any different. I'm a mother to a daughter and I know for sure that I wouldn't tolerate it one bit if I my daughter were to disregard her in-laws in any way. But at the same time it is wrong in my eyes to expect daughters to disregard and ignore their parents the minute they tie a knot and I have seen such expectations being harbored by many parents-in-law and their sons Its to not healthy to expect the daughters in law to sever all ties with their parents and family while they establish a new relationship with their husband and his family. To me its an extension of their family set-up. So it needs equally acceptable to be there for parents and it is for parents-in-law.

Its perfectly fine to look-after your in laws but its also necessary for the 'in-laws' to understand that you have some responsibilities towards your parents as well which you cant shirk from.

"We take some we give some" it has to be mutual and not one-sided.

It is very much possible for parents and in-laws to co-exist in one family, let me tell you that. I am speaking from personal experience.

Sorry for the rant.
Bikramjit said…
Hmmm Good points .. But then with any change things happen, Some like the change some dont .. thats where the problem is .. We all need to learn how to accept change ..

sm said…
today is the transition
thus every one is confused
nice post
deeps said…
With time changes culture and traditions, but in society, in family respect cannot be forced or demanded from the other, if one deserves it s/he will get it…
Renu said…
Deeps: we agree to disagree:)..see coexisting is possible but not very takes its toll.secondly very few girls are able to maintain the balance.they always tilt heavily on one side and create disharmony.

Bikram: true, but change should be for better, we must not accept any change for the sake of change only.

sm: I think so:)

deeps:..whatevr you call it..respect or protocol, it should be maintained..I dont believe in this theory of desrving, that way inlaws will nevr deserve anything whatevr they do:)
Rachna said…
You already know how I feel about this :). But, transition is essential and will happen. There will always be good and bad associated with any system.
A said…
Agreed every system has flaws but we need to try fix them and cannot give up on that.
Renu said…
Rachna: I know:).... There will always be good and bad associated with any system..exactly, thats why I say why change the system, instead change the bad things about present system. People like me would never feel happy living with my daughter, and DILs wouldntlike to live with a whole generation will suffer.

A:total change of system will bring many turmoils in life as we have to change our mindset completely.

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