Friday, September 30, 2011

Blame

Just the other day I went to see an exhibition of Craft council in Valluvar kottam and saw some beautiful things crafted by hands. I felt bad that I do shop so many things abroad whereas we are getting such good things and at a fraction of price here only, the only problem is that  these can be found in exhibitions only..wish they make a permanent place for them like shilparamam in Hyderabad.

Today I see that youngsters are getting too sensitive and touchy about everything others say, whereas I( feel that it is the way we take it that matters, there are so many questions which are used only as small talk, and may not have that serious intonation like asking...
when are you having kids?....it doesnt mean that others intend to run your family decisions or anything..just starting a conversation....
When are are you going to complete the family?....its a universal truth that daughter and son both complete the family, but if one doesnt feel the same,no problem..its your life  and same way one cant be annoyed with others too who think like that....
When are you getting married?;;;;;;;;since these are some important natural stages in life like..first education and then career and then marriage..though today marriage has become redundant,once you are educated, people ask you about your career, and once you are employed the next step in settling down is marriage...so we cant say that nobody should ask us that, its like a big contradiction where we want even others to behave and talk what we want, whereas we ourselves should be totally free of everything...whe3re are we going with that intolerance?

Even in families people are getting totally intolerant of others, if you can increase my meter of enjoyment .you are in otherwise get out of my life.People who cared for their family, others, and even sometimes suffered for them are being branded old fashioned. We considered lot of extended family also  under the umbrella..our family, whereas today even spouse family is also extended one..family means only husband wife and kids..how narrow can we be?..I remember my childhood when my grandmother's sister will also came with children and stay with us and we all will enjoy a lot.and all elders will get the respect, no one younger to them talked back to them. Same in my inlaws place, there were so many people staying together, nobody even counted the nos, whatever was cooked was shared..and even my husband brought so many people home for food or any help they required,Even if he had called some people for his office work, so many times they had their food with us, I have hosted so many guests very distantly related that there was a time my children will say that what is the use of having our own room, as most of the time we have to give it to guests.But thats our culture..I wouldnt say that I enjoyed it all the time, but did it anyway considering it my duty and never said anything in front of any guest or anyone.today people cant tolerate even spouse parents......This was not our culture, and when i say its western effect, some people think that we blame west for every ill, but tell me were we like that from the beginning?

10 comments:

chitra said...

Renu, again a nice post, Now a days...intolerance is growing and a small family doesn't think of others than their own and children growing in the families become self-centred and relationships also affect a lot.

BTW, I was looking forward to your visit for my exhibition...

Sandhya said...

Earlier, we had more children and everybody was outgoing...anyone talk anything to anybody, Renu! Everything was taken in their stride. Now, we have got small families and the children don't express themselves freely with anybody. So everything is touchy. All are running...no time to relax, like we had. Hmmmm!

Bikramjit said...

Oh I remember the summer vacations where all cousins would come to NANi's house it use to be chaos .. My mum are 6 sisters and imagine so many family come to stay .. the fun
and no one had a problem :)

people have got no patience these days .. from a simple instance you are driving in a car someone behind you is in a hurry they will start ot honk the horn .. or speed up and say a chocie few words to you ..

Bikram's

chitra said...

It is fine...Renu. no problems...We would meet next time. Planning one again. Will let you know.

rama said...

Everything cannot be the same as it was years before. We have also changed, and it was not as if people always liked to live in joint family even in those days.
Circumstances forced some people to continue living, despite not liking it.
Now we don't have so many children, we have learnt to become self sufficient, today parents themselves don't want anything to do with their children once they been settled, for they like to be free from responsibilities. They don't want to be still tied to the family looking after grandkids, cooking and continuing the same thing. Children too prefer to handle their lives in the way the they feel is best for them.
So when majority of parents and children have changed, what is the problem. And still if it suits both the parties, they can still can live as joint family, as I have seen so many living even in these modern days.
I feel one must be open to change, otherwise we would be stuck in the same place and stagnate.
Just as we are open to modern gadgets,which we don't mind using for our comfort, why not accept other changes too?

Rachna said...

I agree with what Rama said. Those who are stuck in the past cannot move forward. Each family situation is different, and each model -- joint or nuclear family has its good and bad points. You see everything from the pov of your rosy experiences. It is not necessary that everyone had nice, welcoming relatives. Also, it is really intrusive when people ask personal questions or make personal comments. If I don't like it, I will definitely point it out, and I will be sensitive that I don't do the same to others.

sm said...

nice post, this is not western culture if feel this is mix of many things.
in olden times there was child marriage,
now its late marriage.
second is corruption which is increasing selfishness and teachings of parents who never teach the art of sharing and when those kids grow up they do not want to share with parents or anyone else.

You got excellent topic
very thoughtful in short i do not think west is responsible

its a mix of many things.

Harman said...

the whole point is...the comfort level..next is education and third is independence ..
So..if one is not comfortable wid any of these questions.. its for a reason and if we are not related to that or very close person we have no right to offend others by asking personal problems.
Blaming west ...is something not understood ...nobody compels you ..its our own mind and wish... The persistence.
..Money brings independence...Women of today is hard working and demands respect in society ...for which I think ...there should be a bar to certain extent...
...Joint families or nuclear families ...its the Respect of others ..privacy that matters!
(my comment was too long..I guess I got carried away.)

deeps said...

That’s again from the backyard of everyone’s life…. I guess all of us can relate to this post one way or other….
The living condition has been changing at a rapid pace and so do family values and life style, the causality being the bonding within the family…

Renu said...

Chitra:..looking after self..we are becoming an animalistic society.

Sandhya: we are loosing that individual touch, that humanity and feeling of caring for others.


Bikram: We are getting into a materialistic world where acquiring money is most important, so we dont have time for anything else.

Rama:yes Rama , so much is changing, but is it for good?..most of the parents have resigned to the fate and adapting themselves, but one cant say they are happy..when we are getting progressive, we must think of doing better and better, but not only for self.

Our desires will always be unlimited and if we stop ourselves at fulfiling them, there wont be any end, we must stop and see where are we going, we must think about others too.
I firmly believe that if any of our action makes someone unhappy then we cant ever be truely happy.

Rachna: yes when everything is changing, we must change, but to which end..of course to be a finer human being....
every family is different , but we never choose that and it is a gift of god to us, and should be acceted as such.
What is the big deal if we are cordial to good relatives, our qualities lie in adjusting to all sort of people and making good of life.

sm; either corruption brings selfishness or selfishness brings corruption, anyway result is same...we cant bring a better tomorrow, unless we think above self.

Harman:Harman, Indian culture is different, in the west everthing is taken as the violation of privacy, but here it is not thought so, we are adapting, but my point was that everybody doesnt have any bad intention in asking and shouldnt be taken so seriously.

and the most important thing is that for anythging..be it modernity, changing times or self gratification, familoy values cant be forsaken.

Women should be respected,irrespective of whether they are earning or nor, or working hard or not..that is a totally separate issue and we cant get that by breaking families.