Wednesday, October 15, 2008


Its one of the most beautiful moments of married life when a wife fast for the long life of her husband.It started in the times when people lived for others, cared for others more than the self.This is a special day where wives are pampered by their husbands and inlaws and made to feel special. Where they fast but still prepare a sumptuous dinner for the family to celebrate.

But alas! this was in our time, now a days when either the wives demand from their husbands to fast or the husbands fast themselves to show their solidarity with the wives, that special feeling is gone. because now no one is special as both are fasting and may be cooking, so I think the other things should also change, I feel very sorry to see the present state of affairs where in the name of equality all our special moments are loosing their charm slowly and slowly, I just hope that better sense prevails upon the younger generation and instead of always demanding, they start thinking of doing things. Why earlier mothers were revered so much, because they did so much for the family without demanding, but where will today's mother go? What sort of ideal they will make for their progeny?In our society man was the provider and woman home maker. man brought security- financial and physical for the woman and woman made a home for him to come back to. What a beautiful combination! none was better or higher as per se, but any one who didnt do his job properly was considered lousy.Man was admired and respected for his earning ability and women for her house keeping and beauty.But there was no comparison between them,like one cant make comparisons between a lock and key, as they are not equal in looks or work but both are useless without the other and work well combined together.Actually comparisons are odious as they can be made only between two basically similar things, which they are not.So when and where and how all this equality business started I dont know, but it has messed up all things beautiful, Where earlier the girls used to be feminine, soft ,caring, and working hard to give their family a good life( I am talking about in general terms, not the aberrations), todays girls are turning into hard, aggressive,stubborn persons, with a self centric mind, with a I,ME,MYSELF syndrome.And frankly they are fighting their battles quite un fairly, like they stil want the husband, to bring money into the house and keep on doing everything the man are used to, but they dont want to keep their side of bargain

.I feel the real equality lies in fulfilling one's duties with a sincerity and diligence and honesty whether its a boy or a girl.Instead of makings our daughters behave like man, we should feel proud of having daughters,people who have daughters are the privileged one, as its their daughters who turn others houses into homes,Specially in our culture Kanyaadan is the biggest daan, and when we perform this we should fully comprehend the meaning of this, its not a ritual only.

I have completely digressed from the topic:), on 17th is karva chauth. On this day womaen get gifts from their husband, mother and mother-in-law. One day before they put henna on their hands, buy new bangles. i still remember that when i was in Delhi..Lajpat nagar used to have such a festive look, with all decorated shops selling Sehri items. certain people eat goodies in the early morning and it is called Sehri.And on this day age is no bar, women of all ages dress up so well, doing SOLAH SRINGAR its a sight to behold. Then fast is kept on this day, in the evening pooja is done..its different in different some places women get together and do it, in my place we do it at home only and a Baayna is given to MIL--its a sort of gift only and given as a respect to the person who gave us our husbands and who has a very important role in making our life happy.

Then in the evening after looking at the moon and doing the pooja, women open the fast. I still remember mychildhood, my father who was never home early, will come in time on this day and go on the third floor of our house to see the moon and their in the mohalla all the husbands wud be found on the terrace:). it was such a pleasant feeling to see all that.

festivals are meant to be celebrated in spirit and then they bring a bonhomie among the people, but if everything we start analysing and argueing..why shud only women do it, why cant men do it and all that, then they loose all the sweetness.When we love each other then we dont see what all one is doing, its all about doing something for the other,all the festivals mean to strength some relation ships.

like--Rakhi--bhaidooj---brother sister

karvachauth....husband wife,DIL & MIL

ahoi ashtami....mother -children,

and they bring a cohesiveness in the family. I fully enjoy all the festivals with full fervour and instead of thinking what others are doing for me, i always think what I am doing for them:)



Anonymous said...

Im single but I loveeeeeeeee this ritual..Esp wen they show in films..but I’ll make sure my husband also starves if I do :P
(I feel hungry all the it ok to secretly gobble up things? lol)

I am today’s girl but im still very beautiful, homely n feminine :) im looking forward to this ritual wen I get married..

Ur post is reminiscent of DDLJ..remember tht karva chauth beautifully shot..

Monika said...

karvacuath.... i have always loved the festival and dont even remind me of lajpat nagar... i would celebrate it here in blore where u feel so lonely at days like those... i mean the pomp and show and the fun are missing whats a festival

Renu said...

SWATS: Its very easy to say before marriage, after marriage u will do anything for ur H:), i will ask u then, my DIL wont take anything, though i insist that she must take some thing:)

u rtoday's girl....thats why i love u:)

yeah, I remember, whatever bad these movies do, but atleast they have made tradtions look beautiful, they have popularised karvachauth so much that now many people do it .

Monika; yes sometimes its depressing to celebrate alone, I somestimes stayed in colonies, then we used to have good company,on this day everybody dresses up so much that if we dont have our friends to show kya maja ha:), some of my bengali friends also do it.
Its fun to chat in the evening and look for the moon together.Come to Chennai, we will celebrate together:)

Anonymous said...

awwwwww thnx for loving me mommy :P

Renu said...

my pleasure, my dear blog daughter:)

Anonymous said...

I too would love to celebrate all the festivals as it would help keep my daughter close to our traditions. But feel so lonely out here, shall wait for my daughter to grow up.

sukku said...

Thanks for sharing.

Renu said...

tulip: But tulip if u like, then celebrate it, dress well, cook well and enjoy with ur husband,fesativals are traditions and children observe evrything very well, when ur daughter watches everuything from her childhood, it will have a very poignant effect one her and traditions will be seeped in her psyche.So do it:)

Sukku: Pleasure is mine:)

Balvinder Singh said...

Renu i like the way you follow all tyhe indian traditional festival in their true spirit. Yes aaj kaa zamaana toh remixes kaa zamaana hai. So every thing gets remixed with modernity.

Manasa said...

Due to the high style living and both couple working, they hardly have time to spare with each other. Since gals also earn, usually more than boys sometimes, times have changed. Even a small quarrel leads to divorce these days :)

Shalom said...

Wow! You have captured the man-woman identity thing so well!!! I guess its a question of evolution - women were suppressed for so long, that when they started asserting their rights, some of them ended up going to the other extreme of trying to be too aggressive, too independent.

The understanding is: money is all-important, men bring in the money, the more aggressive or business-like a man is, the more money he gets, therefore the more respect he if a woman wants respect, she should earn also & the way to do that is to be like a man. And that's why society today is so messed up, because most women are giving up feminine qualities for more & more materialistic gain.

I think its a matter of time before the realisation sinks in that both masculine & feminine qualities are important for a family or society to be run well, and neither is greater or lesser than the other.

Renu said...

Balvinder Singh: Thanks for appreciating. actually bringing modernity in everything is accepted and welcome, but one must not loose essence of the thing.

Manasa: see manasa, ur statement clearly says...that when girls earn more , divorce rate also goes up, for a long time men were only earning and we had good family life ( leave aside a few) the first caualty of girls economis independence, its really sad.

Shalom: here the words are yours and feelings are mine:), u have expressed it so well. whenevr we discuss, my son also says the same thing...that girls were suppressed for so long that now when they get the chance they go to the other extreme,but in this chaos we have some balanced people also and they arwe happy.

sidhubaba said...

Actually, the line between ritual and torture gets blurred so easily in our society. And if someone wants to do something from the heart then it becomes alright. One must remember that even if you are harming yourself through some belief then you are also harming someone else or some others. So what is required is balance. But I guess love can take care of a lot of things!

starry nights said...

I think all rituals have a meaning behind them, so sad that so many of them are being forgotten.

ugich konitari said...

We are so good at making a parody of many rituals and stuff, which are actually very meaningful if done with some thought. Today, the biggest factor in everything is money, and unnecessary pomp and show. And its not as if only the modern generations are to be blamed.

I actually know of a family who celebrated this festival every year with so much pomp and show and display, and 2 years later the daughter-in-law left her marital home for good.

Is anyone bothered about anyones mind in all this ?

A balance between thought and manifestation-of-rituals is required.

Renu said...

Starry night; yeah, everything has a meaning, but sometimes, our elders didnt tell us much:). In the west they celebrate father's day, mother's day like that and we celebrate them in the guise of some religious or traditional way:)

Ugich Konitari:It depends on the person, see Diwali is the festival of victory of good over evil and everybody celebrates diwali with lots of pomp and show, does it mean that they are doing only good only......its life and good and bad goes together, its upto us what we give and take......celebration is a positive energy,I read somewhere....what others do is their Karma, and what u do is ur karma...and it has become a way of life for me......I never got any love from MIl but I do my duty 100% and I love my DIL very much and she is a loveliest person.. this is my way of living and gives me immense pleasure:)

Renu said...

Sidhubaba: Fasting is not harming ur self, and atleast in my family nobody is forced, rather the opposite, I insist my DIl to take something and she doesnt want to:) and it makes me tense.
These things make no sense where there is no love and love makes everything beautiful:), sounds too preachy:)

A rebel all the way... said...

As I have mentioned before, am a duffer when it comes to festivals, their significance etc etc.
I dint even know that dusshera is two days after ashtmi. hehehe.
Karvachauth etc are ok if done out of your own free will, but if you get forced into it, I don't think its a good idea.

Renu said...

rebel; good to see u back:)
Boys are always like that:)
and forced anything is not good:) this is true for everything in life.
I do it with lots of luv and so does my daughter and daughter-in-law, my daughter does it though its not do=ne in her inlaws even as they are from karnataka:)
Its only love which makes them do it, i make only love the abiding force in life nothing else:)

Niedhie said...

Nice mehandi... It has been more than an year now since I have applied mehandi, used to always apply when mum used to apply during Karwa Chauth.

Renu said...

Niedhi: Thanks for dropping:), hope u keep coming. I apply mehndi twice a year on Teej in July and karvachauth in Oct:)

Pixie said...

Loved the post! :-)
You have presented the festival so beautifully thru your words...

I could see the festivities and the rituals just by reading your post!
First visit here, will keep coming back for more :-)

Renu said...

pixie: Thank u Pixie !
I will love ur visits:)

Anonymous said...

I loved the explanation of Karva Chauth . However, I disagree when you say women try to compare to men and so on, unlike previous generations on festivals like karva chauth. Husbands keep fasts today not because their wives demand them to do it, its because husbands themselves love to do it along with their wives out of love, as they cant see their wives starving, which I beleive is very positive and there is nothing wrong in it, as it further strengthens the bond of love b/w a husband and wife, and by the end of the day that is what we all want. Earlier men hardly expressed their love openly , nowadays everything is more open and I beleive there is nothing wrong in it. Change is the only thing which should be constant, and if it is for the good, then it should always be welcomed. And as long as someone is doing it out of will, there is absolutely nothing wrong in it. Thus, it is not a question of sexes here on karva chauth, but more of expresssion of love. And as long as both the husband and wife are happy, we are none to say what is right and what is wrong, so long as the traditions are being followed. A lil extra from the husband's side is no wrong.

Anonymous said...

Further, my son keeps fast along with my daughter in law on karva chauth each year, and trust me I love to see their love for each other . In fact it makes me feel so happy. By the way, nice mehendi.

Renu said...

ANONYMOUS: First of all thanks for coming here, why not give urself a name, as it is most of bloggers are writing with a diifferent name, actually its easy to relate:).
I always think that anybody becomes special not by...getting something but doing something and thats the reson I say what is the trend let it be.BTW my son also fasts but my SIL is very strict in fsting aand I always tell my daughter to forbid him.Sometimes feelings and emotions have no logic;0, because I always tell her that u r lowering the importance of the day---soch apni apni.
I dont think there will be any mother who wont be happy to see the love between children(yeah I consider my DIL also my child), I am also and always wish that for evr:)
Thanks for appreciating the mehndi....she is my DIL:).
keep coming, i wud love to read ur views:)

Aarti said...

Yes everyone has different thinkings , but great, I will try to read your blog more often, to read yr views too, which are from a different perspective. My online name is Aarti. By default it was on anonymous and I was too lazy to change it. So now I have.

Renu said...

Thanks Aarti:). I started with my real name and thats going on:) except that i removed surname:)

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