Sunday, August 31, 2008

yesterday we

Yesterday we went to Chennai airport and there was no electricity.........I mean there was no AC working..........can u believe that? at such an important place....a window to the world. We were sweating so badly, and to top it all, there is always such a huge line on the counter of jet airways.
it really takes a very long time to check in.......very exasperating..........., I dont know the cause---whose mismanagement is this?
First we went to this restaurant Golden was not even a silver poorly maintained..............looking more like a store from outside, what with water cans lying in a heap and all that..........totally disgusting, then we came down and went to Sangeetha.............another place to be seen...................same here, even worse interior and then houseflies everywhere.....I cant stand a single one in my house, and there all around.

Yesterday I saw my son off to UK. Though we know that they will be going someday to their jobs,homes but still when they go, I feel so down and sad, that just dont feel like doing anything.I comes to a routine in a week, but i keep thinking why? why we feel so? why cant we set them free like birds and set ourselves also free. whether we live together or apart, our life(parents) still revolves around them. I read so much about freedom, freedom of choices, freedom of living-in a joint family or not.................where is the freedom for parents...................we have just one choice-------live with them if they want us.--we dont want anything else.
whatever i do for them, still after they are gone---i am always thinking...........this time I dint cook this favourite dish of theirs...........or i dint take them there, or Ididnt do this............I am never satisfied with myself. why?............................Do they also feel like this?............or they feel free ,liberated and happy when we part................will never get a real answer specially about how my DIL and SIL think:)........................but as I always say do ur best and leave the rest to god:)

Friday, August 29, 2008

working mother or wife

Though the title of this post is quite misnomer, as none of the wife or mother can be said to be not working, as being a wife or mother in itself is a full time job. But here we are taking the general conception where working means; working outside and earning money. One of my cousin is looking for a bride and he is very emphatic about the girl being not working. As always it started a debate in my mind about what is right and what is wrong.To think about it rationally I started counting the pros and cons of both the situations, so that in the end we can decipher what outweighs the other.
And then there is the personal choice also, like some are so talented that it would be a waste of their talent to do nothing, and there is negative elimination also like some are so reluctant to do house work that its better they work outside to make good use of time.Lets have a look at the positives of working--
1--.It brings money in the housekitty and finances are better, children can afford better things in life, couple can maintain a better standard of living. To an extent good money reduces the stress also.
2--For the women it helps them later in life, when the children grow up and make their own life it becomes very lonely for the ladies this empty nest syndrome.Now they have something to look forward to, and they can pass their time constructively and be financially independent also.
3--Working makes a women financially independent,enhances their confidence and they are better equipped to face the ups and downs of life.
And now the negatives----
1--Growing kids need mother to make them a balance and rounded personality,to teach them values,to listen to their woes, to give them moral support when they are down and workingwomen dont get sufficient time to look after them themselves. I dont believe in quality time.
2--Happy family needs happy times together and time is one thing working women dont have.
3--Healthy family needs healthy food but they neither have time nor inclination to cook.
4--Relatives always take a back seat as nobody has time and patience to maintain them.
5--Sometimes earning makes them arrogant and stubborn making their personal relations also sour.Of course all this may happen with the housewives also, but here we are discussing only about good ,hard working girls::)).
So what is the way out? Unless financially necessitate, working outside has more negatives than positives.Some roles have been decided by God, who are we to interfere? Can we call father earth, nahi na,its mother earth only.God has made us mothers, wives and given certain traits like caring, sacrificing,looking after others, and man are there to cherish us, protect us ,provide us and look after us.If everybody performs his or her role perfectly, world would be a beautiful place to live in.To engage oneself, one can always work for society, there are always many people and problems need to be taken care of.Here the question of being superior or inferior doesnt arise, like one cant say what is more important for living---food or water, both are equal in their own way.Everyone should work towards making a happy and healthy family because that should be the ultimate aim of the couple,not self gratification. Mothers are instrumental in making a nation as they are the ones who build the foundation strong.But inspite of all these things if working is mandatory for someone then I would say that one should never neglect house and family at the cost of job, one should be prepared to put in that extra hour needed.Our ancient scriptures like Geeta say that one gets the mindset according the food one eats. I shudder to think what will happen to our future generations then?
wud like to know readers opinion?

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Whenever I go to buy something like cosmetics, I just cant decide which shade to buy, or which one exactly as now in every brand there are so much of variety that very difficult to decide. Generally I know for sure only after coming home:(. Alas ! the money is gone now if i dont like the thing.That is the reason whenever i see someone wearing a shade I like, I just feel like asking--which one is this?...........but social etiquette does not allow me to do so::))...........even if i see somebody wearing a good salwar kameez, like the other day I saw the lady at tanishq, or someone taking a good purse, I itch to ask them. This is one area where we are very conservative, we dont handle appreciation from the strangers happily. While I saw many strangers in US applauding me for my dresses, jewellery etc.

So i thought I will make a list of all the thing I like, I have used and other requirements also, like when i came here I needed to know about medical assistance also, and i always feel comfortable with a recommended person:), so here it is.........................

lAKME STARSHINE LIP GLOSS-no 21, I bought it and its a lovely shade, worth is a pink.
COLOR BAR LONG STAY LIPSTICK-012-plum pair-its a Violet shade and very beautiful.
MOVIES---Bus yunhi, Nadiya ke paar. Jingle all the way.
CINEMA HALL- Inox-citi centre-chennai
DOCTOR------endocrinologist----M.sekaran chennai
cardiologist---Dr. ramachandran- Apollo-chennai
TVsoaps-----Ghar ek sapna--its a family soap, and good thing about this is that they
are promoting good family values.
Books-------One more day,five people you meet in heaven, tuesdays with Morrie, chicken soup f
or the soul,suitable boy, namesake, memoirs of geisha, The ultimate gift,Anna karenina
, War and peace
Parlours---Naturals----are very well maintained and good service.
Book store-Landmark (whenevr i went to Odyssey evrything I asked was out of stock, they wrote my no, telling me that as soon as they get it they will inform me, till today no call from them.)
Perfume------for women.....Pherose, J'adore, Givuadan...this one was given to my by my dad 30 yrs back, and he got it from some arab country, so far I hvent been able to find it again, but i still remember its fragrance.
Shoe store----Mochi, even lifestyle chennai also has good selection.
I will keep on adding to the list as and when I remember, now please if anybody knows any good tailor in chennai, please let me know.


Monday, August 25, 2008

Just read

Just read in Smriti-s world about the book and the last lines----to show our love we should do what other likes, something like that and it set me thinking---
What is love ?
When we see few young boys rashly driving the cars, they are under age, and then accidents happening----Is it the love ----- parents allowing them to drive----NO--love cant be so blind, real love means teaching them to live with the rules, not breaking the rules.
Allowing ur kids to always eat junk food and outside---NO its not love, because it will spoil their health and love is a positive emotion, it cant have any negative effects.
Is it our appreciation of others or criticism ? -----constructive criticism is always better than blind it shud be called love rather than blind pampering which spoils the person.
I always believe in rising in love, not falling in love, love makes anybody a better person, but if it is not, then it is time to think, it real love? Real love helps you grow as a person.
Is it the money we spend on others? or somebody doing something for us? or wishing us well?
Many times i have heard---
I dont care if somebody spends money on me, for me money has no value, it doesnt take the form of love for me----but tell me why wud any body spend on u if they didnt love u?
U dont love me , because u r always criticising me----but my love , tell me why wud anybody bother to criticise, if he/she didnt want to improve u.
So what special u have done for us, everybody does it for his/her parents/children/siblings/spouse whatever. But if something is done by everybody, does it loose its value?
Why are we never satisfied with the love and care we get from our people, why we always try to find something lacking?
some need money, some care, some appreciation, some-time and ,some everything ( I come under this category::)) ha ha). give them what they want, not what u want to give.
Me thinks---it is the form in which love is given is not appropriate, its where my first line of this post comes onto the picture,--we must express our love to the person in the form he/she wants, not in the form we feel and want to give.It is like this-if somebody is thirsty and instead of giving him water, we give him food, will he be happy?
My father always said-- he wants my presence at all special occasions, he didnt want any gifts from me, as he didnt like taking from his daughter.he wanted me to write them a letter every week-those were the days of letters not email:), now tell me if i had brought presents for him but never gone there at the right time and never wrote a letter thinking----a letter only cant prove my love, I love him most and all that, wud he have been happy. So I did what he wanted from me, making him proud of me and happy.
The same way when i go to my mother's place, I always follow the routine of the house, because that way I can spend my time with them, if I live in a vacations mood then i wont have breakfast with my brother(he will leave for the office), cant have morning tea with my mother, which both of us cherish.
But the other side of this is ----if we going on vacations and still follow the daily regimen, then how to enjoy? I dont know the balance here, so suggestions are welcome:) with open arm.
I think love is most understood and honoured and gets its well deserved place if it is given in the form the other person wants it to be.But it applies only for the adults. I invite everybody to give inputs and give me other perspectives also

Sunday, August 24, 2008

when i started

When I started emailing, first day I was so happy, cudnt believe that I cud send a message to my sis (canada)in just a few seconds. I think it was in early 90's that for the first time we had a demonstration in our Ladies club from a computer institute-I cant remember the name, I think it was hard core Institute in kanpur. Till then my children were studying computer but as a subject and used in studies. For the use of housewives that was our first window to the world of computers. I still remember,we all ladies were quite skeptical-- when he said-- u want to know about Amitabh bachhan....who doesnt? just click this and see.....:) want to know about any recipe..... go here and chk.........oh yeah, now when I am remembering that even before this, there used to be a serial on TV...............dont believe it?...............but it is true,in those days TV used to air quite good programmes ,it is to some extent our fault also that we stopped watching DD, otherwise they only gave us Buniyaad, Hum Log,Khandaan, Malgudi days and many more was something like PC MAUSI-----it used to tell us how to store all info about your LIC policies and investments and reminders ( of course now all that work is done by mobile.
I was telling about email, when my children started working, i was very happy that i can communicate with them everyday, my day started with a cup of tea and email:) what a combination na? but that is me :) and if i saw a mail from them, my day was made.Initially my darling daughter said-ma we will chat regularly, u wud never feel i am gone.and ma as usual always believed them,then slowly she started getting busy for chatting, it was mailing only that was left:(and it became an addiction for me, if i didnt find anything, I wud feel very irritated and it set me thinking that i will have to find some other ways to keep me occupied.because it was putting a pressure on them also ( My sweet little DIL comes under pressure very fast:) and then its my daughter only who introduced me to blogging.
And now I am becoming an addict here also, now instead of their mails , I keep looking for reactions on my post, so what is the difference? may be fault lies with me.I am unable to do anything without attachment, my theory of attachment with detachment ( do ur duties but dont get attached to anybody) is not applicable to me then.I am unable to understand myself. I always think that i am blogging for myself, then why wait for other's reactions? Why do they matter to me? and it brings to the fore..........the basic human nature..............of caring,loving and being cared, matter what we say we need care,love,affection, from wherever it comes it is lapped up,and whatever we need, we must give in abundance ,so that at least some percentage certainly comes back to us.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

JANMASHTAMI janmashtami--this photo has been taken from this site

Today is janmashtami. For us it is a big festival, as it is Birthday of lord krishna. Normally it is celebrated on two consecutive days and i celebrate the first one, as we were told by our elders that we belong to Mathurawaasi, Krishna took birth in mathura and then in the night he was transported to Gokul, so Gokulwaasi celebrate the next day. jhoola is in my daughter's home:)

In our childhood it used to be a big day. We all kids used to search for flowers and it used to be competition sort among all the kids of our Mohalla-who has the most flowers, and since this day everybody needed flowers to decorate,there used to be a big shortage and then we will decorate the Puja room, make the gate with sarees---what a charm it was, my mother never used to let us touch her sarees, so what we will is take any sari of our grand mom, most of the time the latest one--on her everything we had a birth right::)), then we will use all our little toys and everything.

My mother will be busy in the kitchen making sweets , those times she used to make lot of varieties like--panjeeri ( barfi ) of melon seeds, of dry fruits like almonds, chironji, goond and makhana, one with coconut,then pakoras, 2-3 curry vegetables, kheer (makhana), panchamrit and what not. it used to be sumptous feast. and my mother is a really great chef, I always say that u must patent few of ur dishes::)), all her neighbours and relatives always demand her sweets rather than any fancy sweets from the market.

In the evening we will go to see the temples,and they used to be so crowded and decorated-a sight to behold.

and then when clock struck 12 at night we shall do the pooja and all the rituals and eat. Though by that time we were so sleepy that normally we didnt take anything, we took eveything next day only.

I have lived in many states but i always got some of the ingredients if not all, but I am very surprised that since i came to Chennai, i am unable to find anything like MAKHAANA, KOOTO KA AATA YA SINGHADI KA. though nowadays one can find them even abroad.

So today i will have to make do with----fruit chaat, panchamrit,sabudana bada and vegetables.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Yes this is the main news in TOI today, and mind it it is not on woman but men. What a coincidence, yesterday I wrote the post about dowry laws, and today I read in TOI----one man being harassed by his wife went to police station and they didnt even write the FIR or complaint, their language-
Kalaiselvan was denied justice for six years after filing divorce on grounds of cruelty and adultery on the part of his wife, but when she filed a case of harassment, he was put in jail.
The page is full of complaints of harassment for husbands.What i meant to say was that everybody be given justice, irrespective of the gender, there must be away of finding truth and there shouldnt be blanket laws for anything.
If there is no compatibility in the couple , they can go for divorce.Here also, in marriages if one side is giving some cash or jewellery which in case of divorce they may demand, they should get a receipt, If they dont have any proof of that, they shouldnt have authority to demand that.For more clarity i would say that in the marriage a list be prepared for the cash and jewellery being given by both sides, and then both can demand what they gave. Whats happening is that in case of divorce girls families are demanding exorbitant amounts, if divorce happens within that
precarious period.


Long back when I saw the movie ANDHA KANOON ifelt so strongly for the protagonist that he ddint get justice but that doesnt happen in the movies only. Recently something happened to someone I know which tells us that we need to do something about our legislations where witnesses and proof only get the verdict and the law becomes really blind.
There was this young lower middle class boy, let us call him Ajay. he got married to a impetous girl. He loved her a lot and cared a lot for her.Once they had a fight on a very petty thing like she wanted him to take her to her mother;s place, he denied as he had to go to his job, cudnt take leave every second day and when she insisted he slapped her. and that slap wrote his destiny as she drank the poison. The boy took her to hospital crying all the time,but couldnt save her and she couldnt give her statement before dying.
Now Indian laws are such tht if within 7 yrs of marriage something happens to the girl, her inlaws are taken to task, and here his sister-in-law said that she saw him giving poison to her, so a case was made against his full family including even the brother who wasnt home.
As is the norm, case went on for 10 yrs---in fighting the case, they lost everything, their bussiness ,money and all,with no peace of mind.
And now all 5 brothers and their parents(80 yr old) are sentenced to 8 yrs imprisonment.
As is the case normally they are all the bread earners of their families. Ajay also married a handicapped girl and has 2 very young kids. Now all the families will be left without anyone to feed them.
Now the question arises, is it logical to punish so many people, where many innocents will be suffering.Cant we devise a way where we dont create a situation to encourage crime--like here if the children are deprived of their father who is main bread earner also, what will happen to them/ Isnt there any solution for this social problem?

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

BABA AMTE-ANAND VAN here u can see the details of photograph
In Warora near Nagpur Baba Amte lived. I had the privilege to meet him and see what one man's will could do. he has transformed the life of so many people that it is amazing to see. In a sprawling complex which he made for leprosy patients, everything is there. His motto--dont give us charity ,give us work,we want to live a life of dignity is very unique.

There they are treated and made self reliant by training them in different vocations.They have textile looms, printing press,orange orchards,growing other fruits and vegetables, iron foundry, then schools, colleges, hospital, auditorium, shop, small zoo , tailoring units, leather units,post office and many more things.Hostels for blind, deaf and dumb also.There was o much to see and appreciate and I am too small a person to be able to write well about him., But i will tell you what is special there--

  1. He spread so much of happiness, that there you will find all the people in a happy mood, though they are handicapped, but they are always smiling,ready to help others and very jovial, never saw any gloom over there

  2. they manufacture the chappals made from old tyres---they are extremely comfortable and durable even in water and very cheap.

  3. Their bedsheets and other material for kurtas and all were very reasonable rated and good also.

  4. They are always using, recycling everything, like with plastic filling making pillows, old x ray film into wall hangings, boundaries with old tyres, and sitting areas with stones, all beautifies, looking so ethnic.

  5. the whole ashram called ANANDAVAN is kept spic and span, well whitewashed and all.

  6. their guavas and oranges were always the best quality.

  7. they used to make greeting cards quite innovative.

  8. purses, bags, wrought iron showpieces what is not there.

  9. they have the best college library in Warora.

  10. They used to have yoga classes, art of living, some best orchestras, sometimes I used to feel that Warora breathes because of them

He has shown that charitable organisations need not to be all downtrodden, ill kempt or ill managed. His ashram is a type of place we used to go every sunday for a outing.Their even after being cured many people have decided to stay, they dont want to leave.It is a self sufficient place, they dont go out for anything, city people go there for many thing.

His son and daughter-in-law have also taken after him. Recently they (Dr. Prakash amte and his wife) were awarded magsaysay award and nobody deserved it better.They are very simple people with high thinking Here u can find the creativity of children over there.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


just read on a fellow blogger's about her two daughters asking--mama whom do u love more?and it stirred in me a host of memories from my childhood to my kid's, like when we were young we four sisters and one brother and whenever my dad came home and called any of us, the one who was not called will sulk..................u never remember me, dont call my name, u are all the time calling her only and all that..........while in a big family its never possible to call all five in a go:)
My poor mother was always accused of partiality among us, some were called her favourite and she had to bear the brunt of that।Of course as e quite common in Indian families sons are given more importance and on top of that my brother came after 4 sisters, so he was always the VIP,but since my brother is a very caring person and we all sisters also love him too much so he was not there in sibling revelry.
When i had children, I loved them and still love them more than my life,but my daughter will say---u always love bhaiya more, he is treated as a VIP and all that blah blah;;;;;;:)
my son will say----guria is mom's moppet,she will always favour her, mom cant see anything wrong with her,(गुरिया तो मम्मी की चमची हा)...........:)
Poor mom...............she is left wondering;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;On top of that I am given a dressing down from my H also that I have spoiled the children too much.
Now i have full sympathy for my mom and have realised that----
If a child is very naughty, he will get more scolding but that doesnt mean less love:)
If a child is more laborious and good at work, will get more appreciation,and appreciation is not love.
parents always love all the children equally, its only that they give more of scolding, appreciation,their time, money and efforts where they find them needed, thats it.

Friday, August 15, 2008

having kids makes u happy

With reference to my last post i saw this article---

When I was growing up, our former neighbors, whom we'll call the Sloans, were the only couple on the block without kids. It wasn't that they couldn't have children; according to Mr. Sloan, they just chose not to. All the other parents, including mine, thought it was odd—even tragic. So any bad luck that befell the Sloans—the egging of their house one Halloween; the landslide that sent their pool careering to the street below—was somehow attributed to that fateful decision they'd made so many years before. "Well," the other adults would say, "you know they never did have kids." Each time I visited the Sloans, I'd search for signs of insanity, misery or even regret in their superclean home, yet I never seemed to find any. From what I could tell, the Sloans were happy, maybe even happier than my parents, despite the fact that they were (whisper) childless.
My impressions may have been swayed by the fact that their candy dish was always full, but several studies now show that the Sloans could well have been more content than most of the traditional families around them. In Daniel Gilbert's 2006 book "Stumbling on Happiness," the Harvard professor of psychology looks at several studies and concludes that marital satisfaction decreases dramatically after the birth of the first child—and increases only when the last child has left home. He also ascertains that parents are happier grocery shopping and even sleeping than spending time with their kids. Other data cited by 2008's "Gross National Happiness" author, Arthur C. Brooks, finds that parents are about 7 percentage points less likely to report being happy than the childless.
The most recent comprehensive study on the emotional state of those with kids shows us that the term "bundle of joy" may not be the most accurate way to describe our offspring. "Parents experience lower levels of emotional well-being, less frequent positive emotions and more frequent negative emotions than their childless peers," says Florida State University's Robin Simon, a sociology professor who's conducted several recent parenting studies, the most thorough of which came out in 2005 and looked at data gathered from 13,000 Americans by the National Survey of Families and Households. "In fact, no group of parents—married, single, step or even empty nest—reported significantly greater emotional well-being than people who never had children. It's such a counterintuitive finding because we have these cultural beliefs that children are the key to happiness and a healthy life, and they're not."

Simon received plenty of hate mail in response to her research ("Obviously Professor Simon hates her kids," read one), which isn't surprising. Her findings shake the very foundation of what we've been raised to believe is true. In a recent NEWSWEEK Poll, 50 percent of Americans said that adding new children to the family tends to increase happiness levels. Only one in six (16 percent) said that adding new children had a negative effect on the parents' happiness. But which parent is willing to admit that the greatest gift life has to offer has in fact made his or her life less enjoyable?
Parents may openly lament their lack of sleep, hectic schedules and difficulty in dealing with their surly teens, but rarely will they cop to feeling depressed due to the everyday rigors of child rearing. "If you admit that kids and parenthood aren't making you happy, it's basically blasphemy," says Jen Singer, a stay-at-home mother of two from New Jersey who runs the popular parenting blog "From baby-lotion commercials that make motherhood look happy and well rested, to commercials for Disney World where you're supposed to feel like a kid because you're there with your kids, we've made parenthood out to be one blissful moment after another, and it's disappointing when you find out it's not."
Is it possible that American parents have always been this disillusioned? Anecdotal evidence says no. In pre-industrial America, parents certainly loved their children, but their offspring also served a purpose—to work the farm, contribute to the household. Children were a necessity. Today, we have kids more for emotional reasons, but an increasingly complicated work and social environment has made finding satisfaction far more difficult. A key study by University of Wisconsin-Madison's Sara McLanahan and Julia Adams, conducted some 20 years ago, found that parenthood was perceived as significantly more stressful in the 1970s than in the 1950s; the researchers attribute part of that change to major shifts in employment patterns. The majority of American parents now work outside the home, have less support from extended family and face a deteriorating education and health-care system, so raising children has not only become more complicated—it has become more expensive. Today the U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates that it costs anywhere from $134,370 to $237,520 to raise a child from birth to the age of 17—and that's not counting school or college tuition. No wonder parents are feeling a little blue.

Societal ills aside, perhaps we also expect too much from the promise of parenting. The National Marriage Project's 2006 "State of Our Unions" report says that parents have significantly lower marital satisfaction than nonparents because they experienced more single and child-free years than previous generations. Twenty-five years ago, women married around the age of 20, and men at 23. Today both sexes are marrying four to five years later. This means the experience of raising kids is now competing with highs in a parent's past, like career wins ("I got a raise!") or a carefree social life ("God, this is a great martini!"). Shuttling cranky kids to school or dashing to work with spit-up on your favorite sweater doesn't skew as romantic.
For the childless, all this research must certainly feel redeeming. As for those of us with kids, well, the news isn't all bad. Parents still report feeling a greater sense of purpose and meaning in their lives than those who've never had kids. And there are other rewarding aspects of parenting that are impossible to quantify. For example, I never thought it possible to love someone as deeply as I love my son. As for the Sloans, it's hard to say whether they had a less meaningful existence than my parents, or if my parents were 7 percent less happy than the Sloans. Perhaps it just comes down to how you see the candy dish—half empty or half full. Or at least as a parent, that's what I'll keep telling myself.

you can find it here---

Having Kids Makes You Happy
By Lorraine Ali NEWSWEEK
July 7-14, 2008 issue

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Hostel blues

My little nephew has just left home and gone to Kota to do coaching. Sending the kids at a tender age is such a heart wrenching exercise that one is always in a dilemma send or not.........and it triggers a host of memories in my mind.
I still remember all the incidents when we also went out to study as we were living in a small place with no facilities for higher education.
I was only eleven and half when i left home, and then I was adamant the way all the children are----that I want to go out, study science and this and that, mom never wanted to send me....................but i was arrogant enough to say----u dont want to send me because then there will be no one to scold or work.(ha Ha) wrong i was..........and I only know how miserable I was without my family but egoistic enough to never admit it:)
And then my sister went to Nainital in the same way, she also wanted to study in boarding and in Nainital:) and one day when we got a letter from her, it was so emotional that my mom and me started crying immediately:) and my father was bewildered and asked -why are u sobbing so uncontollably:)
Even after 20 yrs situation never changes, as the emotions are same.I can still vividly remember My son standing at the door of railway compartment looking so vulnerable and lonely....
my daughter's face when I first left her at her hostel at Pilani---standing there............completely white as if someone has squeezed the blood out of her......
.My heart went out to them.
And the cycle goes I keep thinking about my nephew--------.
sometimes I think are the children really the pleasure we think them to be or a life long worry, because parents never cease to worry about their children whether they are 5 yr or 50 yr old. The other day my daughter said that----in life there is always a reaction of everything, so if anything brings u happiness, then it will make you sad also and it is so true, what do u think?

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Abhi,Govinda, Kareena

This letter of mine is published in the Stardust of July.
So this time Big B saved Abhi and Rakeyesh mehra, but we are forgetting that Abhishek was never well behaved, in the beginning of his career he had slapped a journalist on the shooting, then also Big B intervened.Abhishek has got many lease in his professional life due to his father,otherwise he is nothing more than a flop star. Had he been an ordinary mortal, nobody would have given him a second look or chance. After 20 movies I think even a pillar can look presentable,so nothing great about him.
I have been reading Govinda's interview from the very beginning and he always comes across a very human and ethical person, so this incident of slapping came as a complete surprise to me and still is a mystery.
Between the two debutants Sonam is way ahead of Deepika,she is a classic beauty in the mould of Rekha, while Deepika can be compared to Zeenat and Hema who were quite wooden in expressions and were all glamour in their hey times.
Whats happening to the morals in our film industry? Girls are changing and flitting around boygriends like clothes. Deepika first had Nihar, then Dhoni,then Yuvraj and now Ranbir. And the classic case is that of Kareena,she went to town with Saif without even telling Shahid, that they are through. She has lost all her charm and apeal with many of her fans ( if any she had) with this .
Industry is turning ruthless day by day, like Sunny deol not getting any heroine or Bipasha refusing to work with Govinda, I just hope that old days return when people cared more for people than money.

Friday, August 8, 2008

North Versus South

According to a news item in paper, north indians settled in south dont want their daughters to marry and go north, as they find people there loud and crass and talk about money all the time.
I wouldnt agree in toto, but I also feel that south is better in many respects, as in everything there are pros and cons of every place , lets check out---
what i like here----
Here people are very genuine, simple without any masks.
People are very non interfering type, busy in their own life.
Most of the woman take up a job.
In cities infrastructure is better.
so far I havent seen any pilferage of electricity
Police is better.
Crime is here also, but still I feel very scared in delhi stepping out of my house after dark.
roadside romeos are not there so much.
But here people are sometimes very reserved.
Whenever in a group, they start talking in any regional language.
In north----
A person's status and money and living standard are all very important before making friends.ONe upmanship is always there in social circle.
Dress and looks are more important than the knowledge and education.
More consumerists society
But there food is very sumptuous and available at every nook and corner.
More open to new people and exuberant
Mix very easily in new environment and with new people.
But there corruption is beyond tolerance.
Earlier I thought that men in south were very caring towards their womenfolk, but after i came here and interacted with the people, my views have changed:), Now I think.........north indian husbands are more caring-----I can say that for my husband:) but here I am thoroughly my SIL is the best husband my daughter could get and he is from south only................................So,may be it depends person to person, not region to region,
I would like to know how everybody feel about this?

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Quirky Tag

Quirky TAG

Reflections tagged me so here it is:
The Rules are as follows..

1. Link the person who tagged you.

2. Mention the rules on your blog.

3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs, letting them know that they have been tagged.

I feel that I am a very boring person with nothing quirky in me, but then But what i find normal may be the quirky side of me, so I will write a few:)

  1. I have this very bad habit of trying to make everybody happy,and sometimes in the process trying to run their lives , forgetting that I am not God and even god could not make evrybody happy.and in the process making myself thooughly miserable and depressed.
  2. Always trying to help everybody--like the otherday somebody came to deliver the flowers to me sent by my daughter, and he was loking for some address and when I started enquiring, my H got quite irritated saying---u dont know much about the city, why are you wasting time, but i felt like asking , thinking.....may be I could.
  3. I am very fussy about saving water, and the maids............they always keep the tap running while washing-------------and I am branded as a very miser mam.
  4. I am very particular about not leaving any of my doors or windows open if they dont have netting, as I dont want mosquitoes and lizards in my house ans so the whole day I keep telling and admonishing someone or the other:)
  5. Always felt very strongly for the environment, not today when it has become a fad but for last 20 years I have been telling everybody to save paper-----I hate it when i see abroad reams and reams of paper being used to wipe hands and other things,-----avoid using plastic bags----I always collect them and then give them back to the vegetable vendors, and i always try to take shopping bag and for small thing, I never take bags, just put them in my hand bag.
  6. I am an emotional fool, a sucker for mushy things.

I tag Smriti , Balvinder , san merci,Shalom

maid management

This year i have taken a few resolutions and trying to follow them diligently:). But u know sometimes ,some people bring out the worst side of yours. Just now i was reading someone's blog about maids and i also wrote all the big lofty ideals and blah blah...... But everyday it happens that.. i have two maids and one of them always irritates me like.......I have employed her recently only because she said she would come early and on time (her work is not upto my standard but I thought of compromising for i wanted somebody early.....And now she is coming late every second day :( I just dont know what to angry....chuck her out or what......

The second one is for cooking--lunch and dinner.....and for that she sometimes turns up at 2 Pm for lunch and then prefers to do all the cooking at the same time :( If i ask her to come earlier, she is there at 9.30.

I am at my wits end how to synchronise both of them and get the best deal,because cook comes and the vessels are not cleaned, so she cant cook, any ideas about how to manage?

Sunday, August 3, 2008


Now a days Thyroid malfunction is quite common, and since 2-3 members of my family are suffering from this I have gathered some information about it which I am sharing.
This gland controls the metabolism of our body, so everything gets topsy turvy, if it is malfunctioning. With hypothyroidism, one gets wt problems, digestion problems etc.
My thyroid was working normally, but one of its lobe was enlarged, that to the extent of 10 times to its original size. And there is no sure fire way of knowing whether this growth is benign or malignant, or even if it is benign presently when it might turn into malignant, because one cant get it checked everymonth or so. So to be safer Doctors advised the removal of both the lobes.
Symptoms----I didnt have any problem as such, only there was a visible growth in the neck and
I used to have lot of allergic problems in my throat, though I cant say whether they were because of thyroid enlargement or just like that.
Earlier i had got all the checkups like FNAC and ultrasounds done at Apollo, then here in Chennai somebody referred me to an surgical endocrinologist---Professor M Chandrasekharan. He is a sort of pioneer in this field.He said that i had no other option, other than to get it removed immediately.
And so we got it done at harvey hospital in Alwarpet, where he operated. It is a major surgery done under GA, Surgery took one and a half hours, another 2-3 hours in ICU and then in my room. Got discharged third day.
The major risk in this surgery is that---voice may be affected or go completely, of course there are further surgeries available to cure that but still it is a big complication.
The after effect of this surgery is that now I will have to take thyroid tablets for my whole life and take care of calcium supplements.
Through this post i would like to appreciate and pay a tribute to---
Professor Sekharan ---
who operated upon me-he was a blessing in disguise for me-so efficient,so precise and fast and i am yet to see anywhere any operation done in such a meticulous way and on exact scheduled time.because the waiting period is always very torturous for the patients family and normally doctors unnecessarily prolong that time by not following the schedule diligently. here everything was done exactly at the scheduled time.
Staff at harvey hospital----
here the service is very good, all the girls were nice ,attentive with a smiling face. Only patients family understands the value of that smile.Two girls-Indra and Suma were very good in their job and their head nurse also, my daughter got an insect bite, she treated her very nicely.
That receptionist at Mccarthy thyroid clinic---
When my operation date was decided upon, she patted my shoulder and said-dont worry at all, i will pray for you, this little gesture of hers made me so happy.I know that because of the well wishes of so many people and god, i am fine today.I cant thank enough for that.
I only wish that--
Prof. Sekharan is a little more open to the patients and their queries----sometimes satisfying a patient's mind is also a part of treatment. I always felt so much in awe, that i forgot all my questions.But I am indebted to him for my life.
In the harvey hospital -----cleaning is not upto the standard, hospital is meant for hygiene,there was dust everywhere, wall paper was peeling, bathrooms were also giving a look of dialapidation
They have very good staff, only if they could revamp the rooms a little with bright colors , furnishings need not to be expensive, but shouldnt be broken or dirty.
But there food was good:)

There is nothing one can say about preventing it, the only thing is low fat diet and exercise and active life they are good for everything and same is in this case also.And any weight loss or gain for no apparent reason must be looked into.


I was always of the opinion that we are better off because we dont have divorces so much.because i feel that divorce always makes a very St...