Monday, August 25, 2008

Just read

Just read in Smriti-s world about the book and the last lines----to show our love we should do what other likes, something like that and it set me thinking---
What is love ?
When we see few young boys rashly driving the cars, they are under age, and then accidents happening----Is it the love ----- parents allowing them to drive----NO--love cant be so blind, real love means teaching them to live with the rules, not breaking the rules.
Allowing ur kids to always eat junk food and outside---NO its not love, because it will spoil their health and love is a positive emotion, it cant have any negative effects.
Is it our appreciation of others or criticism ? -----constructive criticism is always better than blind appreciation.so it shud be called love rather than blind pampering which spoils the person.
I always believe in rising in love, not falling in love, love makes anybody a better person, but if it is not, then it is time to think,......is it real love? Real love helps you grow as a person.
Is it the money we spend on others? or somebody doing something for us? or wishing us well?
Many times i have heard---
I dont care if somebody spends money on me, for me money has no value, it doesnt take the form of love for me----but tell me why wud any body spend on u if they didnt love u?
U dont love me , because u r always criticising me----but my love , tell me why wud anybody bother to criticise, if he/she didnt want to improve u.
So what special u have done for us, everybody does it for his/her parents/children/siblings/spouse whatever. But if something is done by everybody, does it loose its value?
Why are we never satisfied with the love and care we get from our people, why we always try to find something lacking?
some need money, some care, some appreciation, some-time and ,some everything ( I come under this category::)) ha ha). give them what they want, not what u want to give.
Me thinks---it is the form in which love is given is not appropriate, its where my first line of this post comes onto the picture,--we must express our love to the person in the form he/she wants, not in the form we feel and want to give.It is like this-if somebody is thirsty and instead of giving him water, we give him food, will he be happy?
My father always said-- he wants my presence at all special occasions, he didnt want any gifts from me, as he didnt like taking from his daughter.he wanted me to write them a letter every week-those were the days of letters not email:), now tell me if i had brought presents for him but never gone there at the right time and never wrote a letter thinking----a letter only cant prove my love, I love him most and all that, wud he have been happy. So I did what he wanted from me, making him proud of me and happy.
The same way when i go to my mother's place, I always follow the routine of the house, because that way I can spend my time with them, if I live in a vacations mood then i wont have breakfast with my brother(he will leave for the office), cant have morning tea with my mother, which both of us cherish.
But the other side of this is ----if we going on vacations and still follow the daily regimen, then how to enjoy? I dont know the balance here, so suggestions are welcome:) with open arm.
I think love is most understood and honoured and gets its well deserved place if it is given in the form the other person wants it to be.But it applies only for the adults. I invite everybody to give inputs and give me other perspectives also
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12 comments:

sansmerci said...

that's the essence of the book men r from mars and women r from venus .. u shud read if u havent already .. men try to give love the way they want it n women try to the way they wud want it .. n both r not happy in the end ..

Renu said...

I bought this book long ago,some say it gives bookish ideas, but i found it very useful too.
Its about love in all relation ships,it happens, people have lots of love for their own, but due to inadequate expression, they nevr get acknowledged and so are left without any return.

Piper .. said...

hmm... another thought provoking post! But i dont quite agree with your last line here. Sometimes it can get specially bad if you give love in the form the other person wants.Especially if it concerns children. HUh? Have to organize my thoughts on this. Shall let you know as soon as I`m clear about my thoughts on this :)

Renu said...

Yes i agree, i will have to edit that last line:).and please do let me know ur thoughts on this:)

Swats said...

"constructive criticism is always better than blind appreciation"- DEFINITELY!

u know how ppl generally deal with criticism--they either retreat in fear or shame OR lash out in anger..and I agree tht only ppl who truly care 4 u will point out ur flaws..

love is no more unconditional I feel..

but all parents truly love their kids..this is wht i strongly feel..

nice post!

Jayashree said...

A well written and thought provoking post. Iam glad I discovered your blog.
My two cents - Not everybody criticizes with a view to improve you. There are some people who are habitual complainers and criticizers. They are best avoided.

Renu said...

Thanks for appreciating my blog !
And yes you are right, some people just criticise for the sake of either putting down the person or they themselves are low in self esteem. we have to filter them.

Renu said...

Swats: I have seen that people lap up appreciation, but the mnoment u say something negative-they become defensive, while I think tht listen to the criticism cooly and think about it later, u will urself know the truth

my space said...

Hmm thought provoking..Renu real love helps you grow...i don`t know what to make of it..love is unconditional..true love may or may not be reciprocated.hum pyar mein bhi saudebaazi karte hain-i luv u so you should love me too..why???

Renu said...

My space : If it is about a man woman love, then in Hindi we say that one sided attraction is Chahat, not love:).and i dont think anything is unconditional in this world, the only thing is sometime we can see the conditions and sometime not. See if the children are not caring and good, parents care for sometime, then they also become indifferent, while i think that parent and child relationship is the most selfless. Rest all need a give and take attitude.And there is nothing wrong with that if after give and take also u manage evrything beautifully:)
we cant compel anybody to love us, we can only love:)
From growing, i meant maturity, understanding and all, it must enhance ur personality.
i always thought that with Shahid kareena became a much better person, but alas she left him.:):).ha ha

my space said...

Oye ye shahid kahan se aa gaya??though i feel bad for him..banda cute and seedha lagta hain..

Renu said...

U know i feel very bad for Shahid:).
why it happens with the good people?