Sunday, August 31, 2008

yesterday we

Yesterday we went to Chennai airport and there was no electricity.........I mean there was no AC working..........can u believe that? at such an important place....a window to the world. We were sweating so badly, and to top it all, there is always such a huge line on the counter of jet airways.
it really takes a very long time to check in.......very exasperating..........., I dont know the cause---whose mismanagement is this?
First we went to this restaurant Golden Chariot.......it was not even a silver chariot............so poorly maintained..............looking more like a store from outside, what with water cans lying in a heap and all that..........totally disgusting, then we came down and went to Sangeetha.............another place to be seen...................same here, even worse interior and then houseflies everywhere.....I cant stand a single one in my house, and there all around.

Yesterday I saw my son off to UK. Though we know that they will be going someday to their jobs,homes but still when they go, I feel so down and sad, that just dont feel like doing anything.I know..life comes to a routine in a week, but i keep thinking why? why we feel so? why cant we set them free like birds and set ourselves also free. whether we live together or apart, our life(parents) still revolves around them. I read so much about freedom, freedom of choices, freedom of living-in a joint family or not.................where is the freedom for parents...................we have just one choice-------live with them if they want us.--we dont want anything else.
whatever i do for them, still after they are gone---i am always thinking...........this time I dint cook this favourite dish of theirs...........or i dint take them there, or Ididnt do this............I am never satisfied with myself. why?............................Do they also feel like this?............or they feel free ,liberated and happy when we part................will never get a real answer specially about how my DIL and SIL think:)........................but as I always say do ur best and leave the rest to god:)
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32 comments:

sansmerci said...

i've heard many ppl say they r elast homesick.. n many say they r homeick in a day or two.. but as far as me is concerned.. i started cryin the min my plane took off chennai runway.. :( n din get over it for 2 whole yrs until i landed back in the same runawy :D

mayb m a very dependant person, i am free in my thoughts choices and everything, my mom has never caged me ..i think its just my choice to be with her n not away.. and about my MIL i think i will feel the same too.. cos already m bonding a lot with her :)

or am i just being a women?

Swats said...

MOTHERS WILL BE MOTHERS ;-)
My brother was away for 15 days and my mom made him feel like some dulhan leaving the house forever and trust me she was INCONSOLABLE! Lolz

Im sure ur the second best mother! (first is my mom ;-) hehe)

Cess said...

Hey, is it the first time ur sons leave the house? I left my mum s home at 22, and i don t see myself leaving with my mum again, does not mean i don t love her, no, she s the best mum, but i think we ve been raised to become independent here, and even though the generation after me (like my bro) is what we called a 'Tanguy' based on a French movie where a 30 years old guy is still living with his parents, and the parents are trying to get rid if him (in a funny way), it s normal that kids leave their parent, to build their family. Parents took care of us till we are capable to do so, I don t want to be a charge for my parents anymore, they sacrified a lot for us, now they have time to enjoy themselves, and when they will get older and need assistance then it s time for us kids to take of our parents, if my mum can t live by herself and need me, i ll be there for her, she might live with me, who knows. U should definitively use ur free time now to work or do some social activities, help others, i don t know, realize ur passion, i m sure u kids would be happy for u if u do something u like. And sometimes as a kid, we don t always say thank u, or i love u to our parents, we take it as granted. And it s now, that i m living away from my parents that I m saying thanks, or I love u, or hug them WAY too much when I see them. ;)
Nice post btw

Renu said...

sansmerci: When i was young i never showed that i am homesick and when my children were young, then i also I never showed them, that i feel so sad after they leave.I must have cried many times, but never told them thinking that it will make them weak:), now when they are adult , then only isometimes show my feelings:)
I have a feeling u will be good DIL just like mine.

Swats: swats, u are really very sweet:), thanks a lot for making me second best even, but u r right mothers are mothers:)

Cess: No:(. my son and daughter have been out of the house for last 15 yrs,first for studies and then for jobs.
we are quite emotional and god has been very kind to me,given a very good son and daughter and their spouses,I miss all of them all the time.
Even when i am busy my mind is always roaming with them:)
For parents, children are never a charge, they are always happy to see them.

Piper .. said...

spoken like a mother! :-)) I`m sure your DIL and SIL love you for who you are Renu! As a mom, its difficult to let go,I know. Because I see my mom in a similar situation too. But trust me, all shall be fine! :)

Renu said...

Yeah, its very difficult to let go:),and i know that children get very frustrated with mollycuddling of mothers:)
MY 10 yr old mephew wudnt stand with his mom while in a mall saying--my friends will make fun of me, going to mall with mom:) mam's boy, but I am yet to find what is wrong with being a mama's boy?

A rebel all the way... said...

oh ho...i swear i wud never ever open your blog while at work...aap itne senti post kyun likhti ho?!! my eyes welled up when i read this...had to quickly go to the bathroom to wash my face...:((((
seriously, spoken like a true mother...even my mom keeps saying ki jab tu aayega to teri favourite dish banaungin etc etc...why do mothers have to be so emotional? unhein emotional dekhke main bhi emotional ho jaata hun :(
but honestly, i feel parents should let go after a while..otherwise it becomes really suffocating for the children...children end up doing and becoming what their parents expect from them, and never do what they really want to do...
my parents wanted me to do well..in order to fulfill their expectations, i studied hard..went to the best engineering and mba schools in the country..took up the best job available on campus..today my parents are probably proud of me..but do they know how unhappy i am?! i never wanted to go to these places i went to..but i did cos i knew it would make my parents happy...
thats why i say parents should just let go so that the children can fly with their own wings and not get weighed down by the rock-like expectations of their parents..

A rebel all the way... said...

and one more thing...you use a lot of dots in your writing as well...hehehehehe....me too me too :-D

Renu said...

rebel all the way:) I am emotional, but I have nevr let my emotions come into the ambitions of my children. We wanted..sorry not we , only I:), my H always wanted them to choose something traditional, always wanted them do what they like and want, because i always believe that u shud make ur hobby ur profession and money always follows if u do something with passion.Both of them have chosen their professions and life partners them selves and i am proud to say that they have chosen well.
U know I am very different, i believe in work, for me no work is small or below my dignity, I respect all professions,but everything must be done with utmoset sincerity and ethics.My son had a childhood dream to do MBA fro a premier institute and he did it, same for my daughter, she is also very happy with her profession:)
Love and emotions must be ur strength ,not weakness.
and yeah we are similar in many things:)

Indian Home Maker said...

Yes, letting go is very tough! My son still has a few years but daughter is leaving next year, and I wish time would stop. I definitely would not even dream of stopping them, can only hope they have been raised well enough to do well and keep safe, with no mother to remind them keep the cell phone charged, lock the door carefully, drive carefully...

Renu said...

yeah, its so ifficult, but u will be surprised how fast they become efficient and independent, my 14 yr old nephew, who didnt lift a finger in the house, is now living in a paying guest acco and doing everything.from giving the clothes to laundry, noting all the expenses, sometimes making maggie..on sunday evenings when they dont get food at home, and if his roommate falls sick, he looked after him so well.

D said...

I think the most difficult part of parenting is to let go.

Renu said...

yeah, but now i have learnt to,since it has been a long time, but sometimes i think that no. of persons I used to miss is increasing:),now i miss their spouses also:),
Thanks D for dropping by !

Reflections said...

Most of wht I wanted to write has already been expressed by everybody;-P.
What I want to add.....think of it this way, now u have more time to blog & do stuff u always wanted to. Take up some hobby & pursue it passionately...like classical music, playing an instrument, conduct cooking classes, karate...the list is endless.

Renu said...

yeah, that is true :)when i was busy,I longed to be free, now when i am free i want to work, grass is always greener on the other side:)

Swats said...

@REBEL
u r damnnn cute..i love the way u comment always ;-)

@RENU
whts the meaning of ANOOBHOOTI and who's in the picture? country club?

Renu said...

Swats: I also love REBEL's comments:)
Anoobhooti means feelings.....now u know why I write senti posts:)
BTW this is the picture I took when we went to Goa, and Guy is none other than my DH:)

Hip Grandma said...

it is not easy to let go.But one doesn't have a choice.If we want our kids to soar high we have to set them free.But technology being what it is we can remain in constant touch unless the time when we left home.

Renu said...

So true, I still remember that when first time my H went to france way back in 78, we didnt have any means to know whether he has reached or not, it was only after 15 days when his letter came, we knew, today i start tracking the flight the moment children take off:), and then email everyday, twice a week phone, sometimes more than that evn, yes life has improved alot:)

Priya said...

Emotions do run high no matter where we live. People migrate for different reasons and even living witin India, it takes for few people to visit only once a year. I think its witin our soul and body the thick line of blood can never seperate.

You need to take a vacation off or sit in a place where u like and write wat you want to do and wat you done. Answers are not that easy but once you start saying "NO", you will know the answers to many.

Thank you for visiting my blog.

DeeplyDip said...

you sound like a nice, understanding mil! and that is why i feel your dil and sil would feel the attachment. I mean such love is always reciprocated.

I have a mil and we stay away from them too and I also agree with you that our parents think of us more than we think of them. We are busier in our life, busy with the daily hum drum of work and socialising and partying. But we also miss them in our own way :)

Piper .. said...

yet to find out what`s wrong with a mama`s boy, Renu? ask a mama`s boy`s wife ;-))

starry nights said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and I do hope you come by again. I think when children leave all parents feel sad, they feel they did not do enough and go through a period of guilt.I think this feeling is normal and also we will always miss our children and worry about them no matter what.I think it is ingrained in our lives. We have to teach them right, give them wings so that they can fly.

Renu said...

Priya: I am confused, what do u mean by saying No, No to whom?

deeplydip: Thanks for the compliment !and u r right, I get lot of pampering from them:) My DIl is very sweet and affectionate girl, sometimes we joke also--dont be so sweet, we will get diabetes:). I just imagin her face and start missing her:), ame for my SIL.

Renu said...

Piper: Cant a man love both equally? I think both can coexist with each other peacefully, and one who loves his mother too much will love his wife also too much:). Secondly why there is such a feeling, like in my case, for me my DIL is a child of mine, I love her in the same way as my son,so why is there ever a need to compare.My son and I both will pamper her.

Starry nights : yes, I also always say--give ur children roots of support and wings of freedom

Priya said...

NO is to lot of attachments we keep inside and feel the pain later.

Jayashree said...

I think guilt and parenting go hand in hand. When they are young, you feel guilty when they fall sick, hurt themselves....when they grow up, other dimensions of guilt set in. It cannot be avoided.

Renu said...

Priya: I also thought so many times like that, but the charm of living is in loving,and then we cant stop living for the fear of getting hurt.

jayshree: yeah, because parents always want to give the best to their offsprings.

Priya said...

Renu,

I know its easy to say, but in real its hard to live or use it.

A rebel all the way... said...

Thanks Swats and thanks Renu :-D
waise really love some of the lines that you use. for e.g. "Love and emotions must be ur strength ,not weakness." and "give ur children roots of support and wings of freedom"....very nicely said...
and when i say my parents expected xyz from me, they never ever said it explicitly, but i just understood...children should be credited with some intelligence and EQ after all ... ;-)

Renu said...

Priya: its not only difficult, it will take away the colors from life.

REBEL: Thanks for the lines, they have been my signature lines for long.
I always unashamedly acknowledge that new generation is much more intelligent than us:), only a few fundas are mixed and they will be creared only either with experience or or with age:)

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