Thursday, September 4, 2008

I wonder

http://www.bencotten.net/2007/06/06/marriage_advice/
COACHING FOR MARRIAGE
I wonder, when today we have coaching for every little thing, from the time a child is born, he is devoted to coaching, starts with the entrance for play school, even the kids of 2 yrs are coached how to speak and greet and behave.Noe even parents are coached for the interview:) Once they get admission into the coveted school, starts the coaching for drawing, painting, dancing, then may be music, here also vocal or instrumental. There are so many things we want them to learn, or may be want them everything to learn ,why?so that they are good in everything , know everything and if the need arises they are able to do well.
There are classes for grooming,etiquette, table manners etc etc. Now there are classes before the delivery also to prepare newly mom and dad.Earlier there was coaching for JEE, now there is a test for coaching also:)
Then why there is no coaching when one is taking up the most important decision of his/her life-MARRIAGE--like how to choose a life partner? how to make your marriage successful? what are the requirements of a marriage?Earlier there used to be some advice-good or bad cant say, Even my mother used to teach me everything from cooking to stitching, housekeeping, all the time saying--it will help u after marriage.Besides ur studies this is also important My younger sister used to say that she will never have to do any housework, as she will study hard, take up a job so high that she can manage umpteen servants but see the irony:)... that she did all she said, but ultimately settled abroad and today she has to do everything, though she is working and now by choice she can cook even and better than a chef .It wud be good if somebody starts classes for the people entering matrimony.we always prepare ourselves before any journey, so why not before the longest and toughest and most important journey

20 comments:

Cess said...

Very interesting post Renu, as usual, always a pleasure to read, and I m always coming with my European vision ;) I guess, marriage can t be just in one type of coaching as u said there is many criteria inside like when u teach u to cook, stitch and so on. But marriage is not like any other activities, it s not a skill like painting or playing sports where people can teach u something, nobody can teach u how to handle your marriage, probably because there is 2 people involved in the marriage, so u can t have any guarantee because the coach said so that it will work in ur marriage, u might follow some guidance, but coaching specially with the coming generations, the love marriage, i m not sure if it will be feasible ;) But again, it s a good discussion topic ;)

Renu said...

Yeah cess, i also love to know different opinions:) Gurantee may not be there, but certain guidance-like what to expect and what is just not possible,difference between compromise and adjustment, though in my dictionary it hardly matters, as I think one can do anything for loved ones and compromise is not a bad word:)and there are certain basics about cooking,housekeeping...........here I am not saying about girls only, please note:)..........its about couple, finance management,and may be a little about do.es and donts, may be....may help a lot of people.

Jayashree said...

I don't think leading a happy married life is something that can be taught. Happiness in marriage means different things to different people. The couple will have to find out what it is that will make their marriage work. This has to be done by the girl and the boy. No amount of teaching "domestic" skills will ensure a happy marriage.

sansmerci said...

ur talkin bout domestic training .. which is needed regardless of marriage and regardless of the gender ..

with marriage its a diff story with diff people and everything is relative and love is something that cant be taught.. but yea i get ur point, the most imp decidioni n life need to be taken with care.. there are marrage councellors who are not made use of well.. i think one needs to be counselled to get the rite mindset to find the rite one incase they r confused n lost .. if they are very clear already noone else can guide them better :)

Renu said...

jayshree: u r right in ur own way, what I meant tosay is that to prepare oneself about the responsibilities makes the jouney very smooth, if not very, it atleast helps.Even in love marriages, before marriage one is always at one's best in appearence and behaviour, only after marriage one gets to see the other side,and for some people its quite dissappointing:), when they know that life is not all roses and dinners:)

Sansmerci: U always understand my point of view:), may be we have the same thought process.In arranged marriages, with acceptance love also comes easily, and acceptance come with known expectations.
if everybody was clear, what he wanted and expected ,there wudnt be so much of strife in married life:)

my space said...

You know Renu I have actually read about a class where one is trained to handle pressures of married life.Although they stress on domestic skills they also read scriptures,have counselling and discussions on human relations. but tell me how much can all this coaching help.Ultimately it is upon the individual to decide whether they want to make it work or not!

Swats said...

My mom is hell bent on teaching me all the household chores hehehehehehe.. she has given up on me now hehehehhe

Marriage is a huge responsibility, its not the proverbial bed of roses, its an adventure, its abt discovering ur inner self, its abt coping with ur partner’s moods n eccentricities.. this is wht ive been told…waise im 2 young to get married ;-)

I don’t really think coaching is a gr8 option..its more like an on-the-job learning experience..v all grow n learn vit time but im sure ur a wonderful homemaker ;-)

I'll take tips frm u the day I get married ;-) aapki vishesh tipni ki zarurat hume tab hogi ;-)

A rebel all the way... said...

Renu, every person knows (or thinks he knows) what he wants in his life partner - be it beauty, domestic skills, money or intelligence. Everybody has different wishes and different expectations. Do you think he would accept a third person telling him what he SHOULD expect and what he SHOULD NOT? Unlikely no?
I guess this post applies only to arranged marriages, and in arranged marriages, you start discovering the other person only after marriage. That is where 'compromises' and 'sacrifices' come into play and you learn to live and try to be happy with a person who might not be what you had expected in the first place.

Cess said...

I love ur new template ;) by the what is the picture with the man in it at the top right of ur blog? As far as I understand you are woman not a man right? ;)

Renu said...

Swats: cooking is not very big thing or difficult, once u have the will u will learn in no time:)I learned major cooking after marriage only and the same for my daughter and DIL. My H wudnt let his dear daughter go into the kitchen or light the gas:)...so much for the man being not cating:)

Thanks for the compliment !I just feel that once u get into the marriage, arranged or love, then do the utmost to make it work. Do all the thinking before marriage, not afterwards.marriages or partners are not perfect ,but they ar made perfect by working. Its a relationship which needs continous inputs.

I will come to ur marriage:) if u invite me:)

Rebel all the way: No u got me wrong, i am not saying that third person must advice on the qualities of ur partner, or choice of a partner, no that u may choose urself,, third person can make u understand the responsibilities and expectations of an institution like marriage.and how to make it work for ever.

yes my most of the thought is limited for arranged marriages, because in case of love marriage, no advice works:)

even in love marriages, most of the time, couple try to change those habits only which they originally fell in love.There is lot of difference in living as husband and wife, running a house and meeting each other as friends, fiancee whatever.

Renu said...

Cess: for the template , my daughter deserves the compliment, she only changed it herself:)

actually Cess, to tell u frankly, I am quite scared of putting personal photagraphs on the net,and i wanted to put something, so my Hubby offered himself:) haha

Cess said...

HAHAHAH, what a nice Husband. Why are u afraid pf putting personal photographs? For my part i m not afraid, i just don t like taking pictures of myself, only with my mac computer these are the only i m decent ;) And thank u that u like my blog ;)

Renu said...

Cess: In my house everybody is fond of photography, my H,son, DIL , and daughter all, so I have so many photographs, that I cant even manage, since evrybody wants to be behind the camera, the person who is most of time in front is me:)
I hear so much of net crime, and most of the time in the paper they advice not to, so.......

Cess said...

I know anything can happen, but we hear so many things on tv, i was listening to it, I would take the flight, I would not go out by night, well stay home basically but i can understand u don t want to also. For myself i have some pics but I usually don t publish my real name, don t say where i m working, neither address and stuff like. But maybe we can meet sometimes, if i m going to India this year, Chennai is on list of cities I need to visit ;)

Renu said...

Actually i am not very expert also, cant take many precautions:).
My name is real, only i have removed the surname:)
Certainly, I wud love to meet u, U r most welcome to my place. Come here in Dec. Jan. best weather for Chennai.

Balvinder Singh said...

Nice, thought provoking ideas. But frankly speaking, we don't have to teach any thing to the couple how to live their lives. They will pick up things by living together (arranged marriages)over a period of time. But most of the times we find that the marriages are spoilt by not the couples themselves but by their immediate relatives. I think here we need to take classes for MILs, FILs and SILs of the bride as well of the grooms how not to interfear with their sweet and sour lives.

manoj goel said...

Coaching is good idea,but in India It shd be for all involved i.e.FIL,MIL Sil etc rather than Couple only .Becuase all aare involved too much in a couples married life :)

Renu said...

Balvinder singh: as i said earlier also,in India marriage is not between two individuals but also a relationship starts with 2 families. Thats why i say coaching is required about how to manage --may be people also:)

Renu said...

Manoj: I agree, but both sides:)

Renu said...

MY Space: sorry for th3e delayed response:(. actually nothing can teach u to love, adjust, its only that some sort of perparation is like preparing the gound only, seed will be sown by the couple only and they will only nurture it to become a tree. if the ground is well fertilized and receptive, then the seed grows better.
its like preparing a mindset, where u know-its for ever and u must make it work. Like i always say---suppose u dont like ur present partner for his certain habits, lets call them A, now if u will find another partner, he/she may not have A but he will have aome other problem, so.....will u continue looking........thinking is god before mariage only, after marriage , make it work:)